halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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