Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
