he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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