like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
