It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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