so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
