dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
