ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
