why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Randomize