This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
