I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
