it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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