he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
