My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i think my mom watched the whole time
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have feelings that need drinking.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
