it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
