watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
