Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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