I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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