wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
