Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
