I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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