so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize