and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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