My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize