dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I didn't notice because vodka
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
