is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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