I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
