so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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