We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize