I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
