alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
