WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
