And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize