I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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