My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
