if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Houston, we have a blender
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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