is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
