she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
