I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
