I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
