she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He kissed a someone with a penis
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
