you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
