Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
