Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
