You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We left the knife in your bed.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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