I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
