She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
