Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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