just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
