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4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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