Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
