The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
