Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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