True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
