If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
