I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
