I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
