i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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