I need help removing her.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
