So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
