is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
