Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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