i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
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