"it" just moved
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
