He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My ATM looks so different sober.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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