Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize