I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
