How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
