So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
