jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
